When Harry Met Sally

And so nusaibah watched the movie,which was recommended highly by zen and anna.Tgah2 pg yg hening aku pun start tengok.Lgpun xrasa nk tido,while waiting for deena yg xkunjung tiba utk chatting ngan aku.Wah..start2 cite..dah lama gile aku xfeeling cnggini tengok romantic movie.Dgn lagu 60s..aaaaaaa...suke2.Setting cite tu pn best.Mula2 knal tau perang mulut jek,pastu time frame die jauh2..after 5years jmpe balik,still gaduh.Then after 10years jmpe balik.This time they bcome friends.Tp yg best cite nih..xde org ketiga..aman bahagia.just cite how 2 people come together to love each other.Compared to korean movies,huwawaa...xabis2 ngan nangis,ngan mak mertua,ngan misunderstood situ sini,ngan org ketiga yg menyelit masuk lalala...punah sungguh cerita.At the same time xmasuk akal.Tp towards the end cite ni hancur gak..xsdap sgt pastu.Ending die,cm biase..mcm pnah dgr.Kt 10 Things I Hate Bout U.Since I'm here,dah byk gak tgok movie..cd dvd la.Malas nk g cinema kt sini.Xberminat lg kot.Movies tersebut ialah The Terminal,Perfect Catch and 50 First Dates.Cite nih ade persamaan dgn Along Came Polly kot.Owh..y i like this movie.Sbb billy crystal.Pandai gile buat muka sedih n slambe n xde expression.Mcm aku laa.Ehh..bru perasan.Today is 1st April.April Fool!!!..Tp xpenah buat pape pn on this day.So sleepy..silap timing plak writing at this time.Ide xleh nk kuar.Bye Pulp

10 Things

I feel at the moment....

1. Hate fire alarm - argh,tekanan btul bile tgah tido fire alarm bunyi lg..n aku seriously PHOBIA..
2. Miserable - betul la ckp org,lg elok if u r occupied with things to do dari xde bnda utk dibuat..
3. Can't go back to sleep - bkn sng nak smbg tido slpas tragedi yg membuatkan ur heart rate jump from 78 to 98..
4. Weather that changes in one night - td panas yg sgt2 mcm kt mesia, skang dah sejuk, pd malam yg sama..
5. I need the right music - supaya aku ni xmelancholy n pikir yg bukan2..lagu2 soundtrack Grey's Anatomy dah memboringkan n xde drive utk blajar
   
6. Nak nescafe - with the right proportion of sugar and milk
7. Amazingnye..aku xleh fill up smpai 10.Xpe la tu..sekurang2nye mencuba
8. OO..I wish tugas berchat bleh digantikan dgn berborak di telefon..ade byk faedahnye..no strain neck,xpyh gna 2 tngan utk menaip,n mata xpedih tp xbeli kad phone la plak
   
9. Alangkah best kalo our spirit tu fix at one level - so xde la kes euphoria pastu blop-blop-blop-jatuh jd unmotivated
10. Harapan tanpa usaha tu angan2 yg palsu.Blajr nuha!Blajar!
    

Rise And Fall

.......Dear Diary,I woke up this morning,late but still I have some time to read before went to class for discussion.After 1130,I'm finished for the day.I was going to see Dr Humble cause I need a booster injection for my Hep B immunisation,he was in the middle of discussion with someone..so I went to the pigeon hole in the common room.And there it is.A letter that change everything.Men hates failing.So do I.It said,Nusaibah please ring this number and we would arrange a meeting with Dr Islam to discuss about ur last performance,Gastro run.I completed that run 3 weeks ago.Why can't they inform me earlier?The test was not even subjective in format.It's objectives,just circling A B C D E?!And there are only 14 ppl in my group.OK,chill nuha.Try to look at it from a different view.It was a difficult test and it's ALL about treatment.U never done it or being exposed to most of gastro cases.I don't expect you to know all names of drugs and type of operations.And it's ur first run in new environment.Of course the epidemiology would be different!So don't blame on urself or feel so stress about it.Good side,repeat things,u learn more.It just a test for an hour.Don't make it a 'big' thing...It's irony when I'm expecting this week would be a bad one.With pack timetables and 3 sessions at afterhours clinic cluster together,PSAE meeting,video making sessions where u have to interview patients and your peers evaluate u,how the week start off with a misunderstood 'thing'.Setting you up really makes the time flies.So obsessed til I forget other trivial tiny things.Until yesterday, I feel everything just fine.But now.......

PSAE Meeting

O-My-Gosh...2 hours.2 hours!!Again nuha,..2 HOURS man.That is soo long.I thought it will take only half an hour.And Pinky,u should know me.How I'm sitting in that room wishing it will end soon or sooner.Wringing my hands all the time and feel like I'm shrinking bit by bit in my seat.PSAE is a meeting with a tutor (my tutor is a psychiatric or psychologist-I am not too sure) and 5 students.We basically will discuss things,which is according to Dr Sam O'Bride module.And the hardest part is..I have to open my mouth and talk.Gosh,I wish I could have an English lessons.I mean,I really can't help myself.Stammering,pause to find the right words and trying to make sure my sentences make sense.It's really really difficult.But the weirdest part is..I am enjoying it.Not about talking,but about being part of the discussion.It's an open discussion,includes sharing stories and also your thoughts about things and how do you want it to make it better.Pinky,I learn a new word today.Forlorn.Yeah,and I learn a lot of new things from that session too,but mostly of course about work,relationship and patient-centered.Owh,I hate to admit that I'm slowly falling for this country.Kinda fond of their culture.Back in Malaysia,we since young are accepting what our teachers said.As it is.No question.Just accept it.There are no reasons behind everything.We are not supposed to questions them back but here ur opinions and sincerity are really appreciated.In a way,they teach us how to make a critical thinking and being opened to discuss things..Fuhh,I am struggling to put up a happy face for that session,it's tiring.Really..OK Pinky,I got to go now.Tonite I'm having my afterhours again 7-10pm.With a timetable like these,I just should forget about part-time work.Don't u think so.But what about money,nuha?You love brown,blue,red notes..Later Pinky.Bye

Where Is She?

Menjelang perang Uhud dimulai, ia bersama suaminya, Zaid bin Ashim dan kedua anaknya, Habib dan Abdullah keluar ke bukit Uhud. Lalu Rasulullah saw bersabda kepada mereka, "Semoga Allah memberikan berkah kepadamu semua." Setelah itu wanita bidadari perang uhud itu berkata kepada beliau, "Berdo'alah kepada Allah semoga kami dapat menemani engkau di surga kelak, ya Rasulullah!" Lalu Nabi saw berdo'a, "Ya Allah jadikanlah mereka itu teman-temanku di Surga." Maka wanita itupun berkata lantang, "Aku tidak akan mempedulikan persoalan dunia menimpa diriku."

Dialah Ummu Amarah yang dikenal dengan nama Nusaibah bin Ka'ab Al Maziniay yang menjadi bidadari surga karena perannya membela Rasulullah saat pasukan muslimin terdesak pada perang Uhud. Bersama Mush'ab bin Umair -yang kemudian menemui syahid setelah mendapatkan puluhan tusukan di tubuhnya- Nusaibah menghadang Qam'ah, orang yang dipersiapkan membunuh Rasulullah dalam perang tersebut. Nusaibah sendiri harus menderita dengan dua belas tusukan dan salah satunya mengenai lehernya.

Kata-kata Nusaibah "Aku tidak akan mempedulikan persoalan dunia menimpa diriku" setelah ia mendapati Rasulullah mendoa'kan dirinya dan keluarganya menjadi teman-teman Rasul di surga, terdengar begitu tegar dengan kesan yang amat mendalam. Mungkin karena ketidakpeduliannya terhadap urusan dunia dengan segala apa yang bakal menimpanya itulah yang kemudian menjadikannya salah seorang bidadari di surga.

Kini, 15 abad setelah Nusaibah tiada, masihkah ada diantara kita yang berani dengan lantang dan mantap mengucapkan kata-kata seperti yang diucapkan Nusaibah. Masihkah ada diantara kita yang tidak mempedulikan persoalan dunia dan apapun yang dikehendaki Allah selama kita di dunia menimpa diri ini. Mungkin ada, tapi entah dimana dan siapa.

Kalaupun ada, yang jelas dia adalah Nusaibah-Nusaibah abad modern. Kalaupun ada juga, ia tentu tidak akan bersaksi bahwa dialah orangnya, karena seperti Nusaibah bin Ka'ab, ia tidak pernah bersaksi bahwa ia adalah pembela Rasulullah dan agama Allah, melainkan Rasulullah lah yang memberikan kesaksian, "Tidaklah aku menoleh ke kanan dan ke kiri pada peperangan Uhud melainkan aku melihat Nusaibah (Ummu Amarah) berperang membelaku." (Al Ishabah).

Dimana Nusaibah kini, yang siap menyerahkan seluruh hidupnya untuk membela Allah dan Rasul-Nya, yang menjadikan seluruh anggota keluarga adalah mujahid pejuang Allah, yang lebih mengutamakan indahnya surga Allah daripada kenikmatan-kenikmatan dunia yang sesaat dan serba semu, yang tidak pernah khawatir dan merasa takut tidak mendapatkan kesenangan di dunia, karena dimatanya, kesenangan menjadi teman Rasulullah di Surga menjadi keutamaannya.

Dimana Nusaibah kini, yang Allah dengan segala janjinya lebih ia yakini dari segala kepentingan dan urusan dunianya, yang menikah dengan suami yang juga siap menyerahkan hidupnya untuk Allah semata, yang siap menjadikan anak-anaknya tameng Rasulullah di setiap medan perang.

Bisa jadi, bila ada Nusaibah kini, ia akan siap kehilangan segala kenikmatan dunianya, ia rela menjual kesenangan dunianya untuk harga yang lebih mahal, yakni surga Allah. Ia tak pernah bersedih, murung ataupun marah akan setiap ketentuan Allah atas dirinya, ia percaya bahwa Allah akan bersikap adil dengan segala kehendaknya atas setiap manusia, ia begitu yakin, jika tidak ia dapatkan kenikmatan dunia dengan segala perhiasannya, pasti ia akan mendapatkan yang jauh lebih indah kelak sebagai balasan dari amal dan kesabarannya menerima semua ketentuan-Nya. Tapi, dimanakah Nusaibah kini?

Alone, Not Anymore

A lot has happened since I arrived here.I've meet a lot of new friends and currently flatting with 4 other students.I've went to ups and downs of my life and at some occasions I knew friends that I can count on.Owh,I still remember the days I keep crying and crying and crying all by myself,alone in the hostel room (riddiford hostel).It's good to hear people share their own experiences,as if a cue saying that ' u are not alone ' or ' u are not the only person who felt that '. I'm so grateful to have that kind of support at that time.Just a quick review.About AA sessions that we,group B had yesterday.There are 3 alcoholics came to the sessions,telling us their life stories.And I am ab-so-lutely fascinated! I'm just so suprised and never see it's coming.Their honesty,tears,regrets,ignorance,denial..Owh,it's a really good exposure to me because i don't have any friend or family member who took alcohol.And for the next 3years I will encounter drug abusers and alcoholics again.They make it clear,that it is annoying how doctors trying to treat them by science.For them it never work.But alcoholic anonymous or AA meeting,give them something.It is like an awareness or make them thinking that they have a group support.They hate how they behave and they always need to be remind.And suddenly...it becomes clear "Hey,I want to have a better life,and I want to change". And that's the spirit!!Way to go girl!..nuha,u have to do some comments in 2000 words about AA meeting later.Do remember that..Back to where I was.Yup,so I'm glad I've passed the difficult time.At least everything's are settled now.I can start study and to start is another problem.Yet that is something modifiable.Like a friend of mine once said "it's only in ur mind".

Silence

there's something in my heart
but i don't know how to pour it on paper
it's not about love
it's about life
and the future
what lies beyond my knowledge
i wish i would be inspired like this every second of my time
for every breath i take
there is hope which won't lie to me
with hopes i live
and i believe it won't let me down
it just that i'm too weak
sometimes
when at times, i could not focus on a situation
panic - which i hate so much
i really want it for me
to hold my patient's hands
and wish them to get well soon
at the end of my day
i like to go home
lying on bed
looking at the ceiling
stares
only stares
quiet
enjoying the silence
smile
i've been good to myself,others
at least i try to help
though there is certain things that i have no control over it
for all these years
i try so hard to hide my fears, my tears
worry so much of what would i have for tomorrow
what will happen to me
it's all about learning
no one of us is perfect
when your moves are restricted
you tend to be before the lines
never dare to across the boundaries
i care too much of what people would say behind my back
there would be no ending for my pain
if i stay the same
stick to positives shades that you have
add some more extra colours
soften the edges with loves and cares
i believe i will survive
till i'm not afraid anymore
till i know i'll be okay
whatever happens
what if it just me who might be as well a bit insane
well
i lives in my own world
every one is a stranger
keeps your friends and enemies close to you
i'm glad for who i am
there are more who are not lucky like me
i'm a woman (might be still be a girl)
who lots and lots loves pretending
this is a part of me
which only me can see through it

i wish i can go sailing under the black sky
or walking by a quiet street
passing a green garden with a dim light
the shops are closing
people on their way homes
by what-so-ever on earth
through the golf course..the view
i just love it
with a man-made lake nearby
it completes everything
i could spend my night just staring
of nothing
bless me

Get Set Go - Wait

Wait, wait for the dawn my dear
Wait till the sun gets here
And you will wait too long he will be gone

Wait, wait till the sun shines through
Wait till the sky is blue
And you will wait too long he will be gone, he will be gone

Wait, wait till the signs are right
Wait till the perfect time
And you will wait too long he will be gone, he will be gone

Wait till you don't doubt no more
Wait till you know for sure
And you will wait too long he will be gone now

Me And Myself

At last,I found a way to put my thoughts on the net.Been spending hours just to setup this blog.Gosh!What a shame nuha,u really need to learn from someone how to customize ur own blog.Anyway,this blog will be a diary to me,I'll update it from time to time.But why I started now,is because...actually I don't really know.Maybe it's a turning point.Suddenly everythings changed when I have to come to New Zealand (yeah,continue my 4th year at Wellington School of Medicine) and I don't really have a 'friend' around me right now.I do have a small circle of friends but in a distance.And it's difficult!!Really need friends around me so that I could talk what happens to me on daily basis.It's like..kind of remedy to stress.Yeah..It's really late now.Got class tomorrow.Now I'm in GP run.Wish this run shorter than it supposed to be..(and that's ur main prob nuha,u hate everything).Hope i can write more often n learn alot from that.OK diary,see ya later =p

"When you're freaking out in there,find a hope,grab,hold of it"